Review
Welcome to the inaugural edition of my new series, The Randomizer. (Copyright 2015. All rights reserved. Do not read Randomizer if you are prone to dizzy spells or operating heavy machinery. No cash value. Void where prohibited. Offer not valid in Utah and Idaho. If not completely satisfied, return the unused portion with receipt for a full refund.)
You like my fancy banner? I made it myself? You don’t? Well then, if you can do better, then I would like to see it, thank you very much. No, seriously, if you want to make a better banner for my series, I would eternally grateful for it. Art was not exactly my best class in grade school.
So, what the hell is the Randomizer? Basically, it goes like this. I placed every game I own into a simple MySql database. My collections is over 600 games and constantly growing. Some of these games, I’ve beaten, some I’ve played very little, and some I have never played. Then I created a simple script using PHP. (Perl works too, but had issues connecting to the database.) I press a simple button, and it spits out a random game in my collection. Then, I must play it and review it. It’s just that easy
2014 has come to an end. Another 365.25 days have come and gone. A year we had an Olympics, Midterm elections in America, and many celebrity losses, including Robin Williams. All I can say to this year ending is GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!
You know, it must be amazing to be Scott Cawthon right now.
Currently, the Internet is full of such negative things, like the hostile Gamergate debate, Kim Kardashian’s photoshopped head on a photoshopped naked body, and that frightening Too Many Cooks video. It’s a shame when it’s reverted to the fact that the only thing on the Internet to make people happy is porn.
But in comes Scott Cawthon, an independent game designer whose previous works mostly went unnoticed and ignored. Then in August of 2014, he released his next project, called Five Nights at Freddy’s. A point-and-click horror game, where the objective is to survive the onslaught of animatronic robots. It caught the attention of many, and it became huge among gamers. It was even featured on so many Let’s Play channels, who loved the simple design of the game, and the eerie setting and the jump scares which was easy entertainment fodder. It was the perfect fuel for big names like PewdiePie and Markiplier.
This is Either/Or. A new idea for a column I’ve had festered in my head for a while, and now it’s finally on paper. Well, word editor, but you get the idea. The Premise? Two items of specific similarities go head to head to determine which is the best of the two. There must me a winner. No ties. No draws. Two enter, one leaves victorious. Think of it as Thunderdome, but with words. And no Tina Turner. And no one is running Barter Town.
This time, we’ll be looking at two horror games that just came out in August that’s been getting a lot of buzz. I’m talking about the Demo game P.T. and the indie horror Five Nights At Freddy’s. Both games offer a lot of frights, chills, and something to make your skin crawl. Both games got well received by gamers alike, and both games get a lot of play from Let’s Players on YouTube.
So there I was at my favourite place to browse through retro games, the flea market closest to my house, checking out the latest selections of classic gaming. Then it came to me, that I don’t have a game to play for the upcoming Review A Bad Game Day 2014, an annual tradition celebrating the absolute worst video games imaginable. If you recall, last year I covered the lackluster Raid at Bungeling Bay, and the year before that was the annoying Athena. And I figured I needed to find that special game. One that is worse than all the other games combined, yet such a hidden gem that not many people knew the game existed. But none of the seller’s inventory stood out to be particularly crappy in the Nintendo section, and the Super Nintendo section had mostly the games already talked about by reviewers far better and more popular than I can ever be. Even the suggestions of the store owner were either not bad, or not bad enough to signify anger fueled rantings.